• Relationship Series

    He cheats, I cheat…?

    “Why did you do it?”

    “Because he did it first.”

    My mother stared at me. I could see the disbelief in her eyes. The shadow of shock and then, the disappointment.

    “I found out he’s been having an affair with her for nearly a year. I confronted him; told him how much he was hurting me. I begged him to give her up. To remember his vows to me and be faithful to them. He said he was a man and it was in the nature of men to have multiple partners.”

    When he had said that, I’d considered it a cheap excuse. I had told him as much. But he hadn’t been moved by my argument or my tears.

    “He said he provided well for his family and that was all that mattered. We lacked nothing and so, I had no reason to complain.”

    But I was his wife for more than financial gain and a comfortable lifestyle. I married him because I wanted a companion, a man who would love me, care for me and shield me from hurt.

    “He was hurting me and he didn’t care. He thought that his being a good provider made up for the pain he was inflicting on me.”

    Nothing made up for pain inflicted on others. Nothing excused it. A wife wasn’t a piece of property for the husband to do with as he pleased.

    “I tried to stop thinking about it. I tried to focus on the fact that he was a good father and in terms of care and provision, a good husband. But I couldn’t forget the pain. Hard as I tried to, it ate deeper and deeper in me and I hurt more every day. Every time I knew he was with her.”

    He saw her every Tuesday, Thursday, and they spent Fridays together after work till after midnight when he would come home.

    “When I couldn’t put it out of my mind, I started to resent him. I don’t think I hated him, but I really resented him.”

    We were married, and only for four years. We had a daughter and a good life together. I was a beautiful woman and looked after myself. But he was having an affair, sleeping with another woman and his excuse was that he was a man with the nature of man.

    “Well, I was a woman and it is in the nature of women to abhor neglect. Women naturally craved attention and I wasn’t getting it from him.”

    So, I sought what I was missing elsewhere. It didn’t take long to find it. I found attention, I found solace and I even found better sex.

    “It was revenge for me and it was sweet. When he became suspicious, it gave me a thrill to see him panic and question where I had been. Who I had been with.”

    He started to come home earlier on Fridays, so he could keep an eye on me. Tuesday time with her ended. And he was attentive again.

    “But I couldn’t stop. I tried to, but couldn’t. I didn’t want only his attention now. I had the attention of another man and I wanted to keep it.”

    He had his cake and ate it too, so why shouldn’t I? If he could act according to his natural instinct to seek multiple partners, why shouldn’t I act according to mine to seek attention in every way?

    “At the end, he couldn’t take what he dished out.” I looked directly at my mother. “He didn’t send me away. I left. I told him I’d been doing what he’s been doing, and he broke down and cried like a baby. He wept that another man had touched what was his.”

    And he still failed to understand that I felt same pain that another woman was touching what should have been only mine.

    “The world will judge me and condemn me where they would excuse and pardon him. But I don’t care. He touched what he should not have, I did the same. Now, we will both live with our choices.”

    He wanted a divorce. I would gladly give it to him. I was wrong in what I did, but I still could not regret it. If he thought he deserved better than an adulterous wife, so did I.

    My simple question is: Would you do what she did, cheat because he cheated?

    Personally, I wouldn’t. My body is mine and I would consider it dishonour, to myself, to give it to a man while married to another.

    I won’t do it. But I strongly doubt I will stay put and tolerate infidelity.

    Cheating is a big no for me and hopefully one I will continue to not have to deal with.

    Share your thoughts.

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  • Reply Iyke David December 12, 2019 at 7:34 am

    Two wrong can NEVER be right
    Leave if you can not take it
    The Bible supports divorce when adultery is involved.
    Good morning TM.

  • Reply mobolaji December 12, 2019 at 9:34 am

    No, I won’t cheat. I will rather leave and let him go.

  • Reply Joan December 12, 2019 at 1:43 pm

    I don’t really know what to say. I’ve been there and I really thought about the ‘revenge cheating’ but I couldn’t disrespect and devalue myself like that. All you can do about this is to pray and hope for a change. Or worst case scenario divorce the man.

    • Reply TM David-West December 12, 2019 at 3:08 pm

      I think I understand the temptation of tit for tat, and for that, it’s tough for me to judge any who chooses that route. Pain and anger have a way of numbing our good senses.

      It’s all personal choices, at the bottom, and hopefully we make the right ones.

  • Reply Patience December 13, 2019 at 1:25 pm

    Well, I’ll just walk away instead of to cheat back.

  • Reply Mystiq December 24, 2019 at 11:10 am

    Il walking away

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