• Relationship Series

    Long Distance Relationship

    Have you ever been in it? Did it work out? Or is it working out?

    M and I were states-apart all through our relationship and before marriage. I was first in Lagos and he, in Port Harcourt. Then I was in Ogwashi-Uku, Delta State, and he, still in Port Harcourt.

    It wasn’t easy, but it worked out. I guess one of the biggest reasons it did was that we were open and friendly with each other from the onset. We started out as chatting friends… Lol, yeah, we met online. But not on a dating site.

    It was a French speaking forum: frenchkingdom.com… Not sure it still exists. But I registered to improve my spoken French and he sent me an email… and we started communicating. First in French, but soon we shifted to English, which I was more comfortable in.

    But from the get-go, we were open and honest. For me, it’s a principle. I don’t lie, and I don’t pretend what I’m not. He didn’t either.

    It took about a year before we moved from just-friends to dating-couple. It was a smooth transition, lol, no hitches. And although, we broke up after ten months as a couple, we got back together after about ten months apart and kept on until marriage… and up until now.

    It’s not a fairy-tale romance. No relationship is. Every relationship needs work from both partners and it requires commitment.

    And that I think it’s the biggest step to make a long distance relationship work: Commitment from both partners. A quote from John Borroughs says:

    “For anything worth having one must pay the price; and the price is always work, patience, love, self-sacrifice.”

    So, keeping that in mind, partners in a long distance relationship should:

    * Commit to be open with each other.

    * Commit to communicate all the time.

    * Commit to talk about, and share, everything in your lives, even the trivial, seemingly mundane stuffs.

    * Commit to visiting each other as often as is possible.

    * Commit to supporting each other and being there when one person needs the other.

    * Build respect, understanding and even more, trust.

    It’s tough, maybe tougher than regular in-same-place relationships, but it can work out if partners are committed to making it work.

    So, you ever been in one, or are in one right now? Share your experiences with us.

    It’s our first relationship talk on our new style of life, lifestyle and relationship blog, and I hope we can all be a part of it.

    Looking forward to reading your responses.

    Cheers.

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    36 Comments

  • Reply Jeffrey Jamez October 2, 2017 at 11:25 am

    Many people think long distance relationship is not possible but the truth is most people are not ready to commit. You have already said it all in your posts. BTW….nice new look.

    • Reply TM David-West October 2, 2017 at 4:44 pm

      Yeah, people not willing to commit is the death of any relationship, whatever its distance.

      Thanks for the compliment

  • Reply David Iyko October 2, 2017 at 11:36 am

    D R fails when it is not built on truth and trust
    Though I did not go through it, but being open from the start is always important!
    No matter where someone is the link must one way or the other connect.

  • Reply mobolaji olanrewaju October 2, 2017 at 12:16 pm

    I believe it can work but requires great deal of commitment from both parties.
    I have tried it several times but my partners are not ready for the kind of commitment needed to make long distance relationship work, so i just let it go.
    Having a relationship in a place like lagos where both parties are extremely busy is like being in a long-distance relationship….lol! Requires deep commitment, honesty, trust,lots more..
    Congratulations T.M West on the new look! It is great.

    • Reply TM David-West October 2, 2017 at 4:42 pm

      Hahahaha. Your third paragraph cracked me up. Really, Lagos can be too big sometimes.

      Thanks at the compliment

      • Reply mobolaji olanrewaju October 3, 2017 at 3:41 pm

        You are welcome. Lagos can be extremely big ooo and you will just be wondering if you are trully in the same city..

  • Reply Jojo October 2, 2017 at 1:28 pm

    Had a terrible experience. Hoeeible.

    • Reply Jojo October 2, 2017 at 1:39 pm

      #Horrible

    • Reply TM David-West October 2, 2017 at 4:41 pm

      Aw, so sorry, Jojo.

  • Reply Comfort October 2, 2017 at 2:37 pm

    I have never been in one but I am considering going into one soon. We are friends and are still at that stage of getting to know each other. I believe all relationships takes work and commitment whether long distance or not.Trust is also very important. If this salient factors are missing,it just won’t work. Constant communication is also key

    • Reply TM David-West October 2, 2017 at 4:21 pm

      Oh yes, trust and communication is key. Hope you guys work it out *wink*

  • Reply Kofo October 2, 2017 at 3:05 pm

    I really applaud those in L D R’s and respect to those it has worked for, however I don’t see myself being able to cope with that…

    • Reply TM David-West October 2, 2017 at 4:19 pm

      Yeah, strengths differ and we all have what we can take and not take.

  • Reply Tee October 2, 2017 at 3:21 pm

    I’ve done it, didn’t work for me. I don’t thing i wanna tread that path again

  • Reply Tee October 2, 2017 at 3:22 pm

    I’ve done it, didn’t work for me. I don’t think i wanna tread that path again

    • Reply TM David-West October 2, 2017 at 4:18 pm

      Aw, sorry, Tee. But that’s life, different strokes. Something else will work out I’m sure

  • Reply Uche October 2, 2017 at 3:45 pm

    I am currently in one, we have been friends for over 8 years and only started dating about a year ago. She is half way across the world while I am in Nigeria, should I add also that she is an exes very close friend. When we started out none of us thought it was possible but thanks to technology, openness, faith, trust and a healthy communication we both agree we are meant for each other and our future is to be shared.

    • Reply TM David-West October 2, 2017 at 4:14 pm

      Wow, love this. Looking forward to hearing of a wedding and getting an invite. Lol.

  • Reply Jay October 2, 2017 at 3:58 pm

    I’m in one right now. Been dating for 10 months now but we’ve known each other for roughly 5 years. It’s not always easy but commitment from both parties makes it worthwhile.

    • Reply TM David-West October 2, 2017 at 4:12 pm

      I hope you guys are able to go the long haul. My best wishes on that.

  • Reply Zine October 2, 2017 at 11:41 pm

    I was, started out pretty well and went on for all of 14 months before we broke up. His insecurities were just too much plus there were other problems. Guess dating across continents isn’t that easy.
    Will I try it again? Nope, I don’t think so but it was great while it lasted.

    • Reply TM David-West October 3, 2017 at 7:09 am

      Hmm, insecurities are a killer and unfortunately, many still suffer them. Glad it was at least something that brought you pleasure while it lasted. Thanks, Zine.

  • Reply Egondi October 3, 2017 at 7:08 pm

    I have been in one and yes the distance did impact on the relationship but honestly we weren’t on the same page. We started out as friends and even at that point, there were issues, but we did the sweep under the carpet thing. By the time we had issues in the relationship, we couldn’t resolve amicably because, we had developed a bad precedence.
    5 years later we are friends more because now we both speak us, especially me, I learnt to not just keep quiet.
    Lesson I learnt, anything can work, if you are willing to put in the work and if you are totally honest with each other.

    • Reply TM David-West October 16, 2017 at 10:18 pm

      Well done on lessons learnt. Sometimes, that is all we can take out of a relationship and keep with us.

      I always consider openness and plain honesty the top most vital tools to make any relationship work. You don’t communicate, and communicate honestly, you are heading for a definite crash.

      Better days head, Egondi. Cheers

  • Reply chic October 8, 2017 at 10:11 am

    Hubby and I met via a phone call (long story).
    He in lagos, me shuttling Jigawa-asaba and after I redeployed, Rivers-asaba (NYSC wahala). We met physically about a month after we first spoke and he had already proposed by then(we clicked from the 1st moment). Its been 10yrs since we met and going on 9yrs since we got married.

    • Reply TM David-West October 16, 2017 at 10:12 pm

      Oh my, I love love this love story. Lol. Ten years and still rocking it, wow! See, love can come right sometimes and it wouldn’t matter if you are far or near. Thanks for sharing, Chic.

  • Reply Treasure October 22, 2017 at 2:27 pm

    I had a friend far back as 2013, we were just normal Facebook friends and we never chatted. Two years later, he started chatting me up, we were just friends, arguing, joking, bantering. Later on, he started talking about feelings and love, he chased me like kilode, it took me up to a Year to believe him and warm up to him because he was just a Facebook friend and I had men fawning all over me. 6 months down the line, I was falling. I finally agreed to see him physical at Enugu. He just suddenly stopped calling and chatting. But he later told me he has a girl bla bla, broke up, ex, back again and all those stories. Seems I was just his rebound. Imagine. It hurts but I just wrapped it up and I moved on. I heard you say online and long distance, I think there’s hope. If not, both are no no for me.

    • Reply TM David-West October 23, 2017 at 2:22 pm

      This is so sad and annoying. Unfortunately, it is not limited to budding online relationships or distance relationships. It happens everywhere and quiet frequently too.
      It is so unfair to use someone as a rebound or as a show-off board to catch the interest of that one important to us. So unfair.
      But every life experience is a lesson and you have, I am sure, gotten one out of this. So, chalk it up as that and let it go.
      Cheers.

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