• Relationship Series

    whatcha gonna do?

    Morning folks. How’s everyone doing?

    I’ve got a little time on my hands this morning and I need your input on something. I, actually, need your thoughts… as many a thought as you’ll have on this matter.

    So, let’s take this scenario: A woman is married to a man she loves “to the moon and back”… borrowing one of ‘em popular languages *wink*. She loves this man a whole lot. They are married and she can’t think of a life without him anymore.

    But she starts to notice stuff. He’s absent-minded all of a sudden. He’s getting calls he’s no longer willing to pick in her presence. He’s deleting call histories and text messages… boy! that spikes off her suspicion antenna. She’s a woman after all!

    Let’s cut to the chase, no need for the blah-blah-blah in between dramas. She snoops and she finds out… wait for it… that he is the boy who raped her when she was a teenager.

    Say what!

    Okay folks, let’s get the scenario right puhleaze! She’s married to the man of her dreams, she loves him to bits, their marriage is only five months old… #young love. He gets distracted and she gets snooping and she ends up with this info: he raped her when she was a teenager.

    Folks, that’s some shitty story. Excuse my German. But sh*t like that shouldn’t happen to anyone. But… it’s happening to her. That’s her reality now.

    Now, I got a question. Say that is you: passionately-in-love wifey and you just got that hair-raising, mind-boggling info… what are you going to do?

    The man you love with all that is you and with whom you dreamed of sharing forever and after is the jackass effing asshole who raped you when you were a teenage innocent girl… What are you going to do?

    It’s All About Gist and all we do here is talk to one another. Don’t be shy and don’t go sanctimonious, superstitious shitty head on me like: “God forbid! It can’t happen to me. Holy Ghost fire!”

    Duh! Girl, I know it can’t happen to you! It’s not your story. It is hers. We are just asking your input.

    Dang! Crazy superstitious folks get me going nuts like I’m high on ciga-weed.

    Ha-ha-ha. Y’all get the deal-oh, right? ‘Tis just a scenario and I need your mega input. Give me your reactions. Say it! Write it like you’re feeling it! Spare no details! Give as many comments as you please! There’s no limit.

    And guys, how do you face a woman you love with everything you’ve got but you are guilty of hurting in the worst  possible way?

    All About Gist… let’s get gisting.

    Muchos gracias… *wink*

    *** ~~~ ***

    Hey P.S.

    This is a copyrighted story-line, so don’t get your grubby hands scribbling nothing. #Got my eyes on you #Talking to content thieves.

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  • Reply thia April 4, 2017 at 7:36 am

    wow thats really messed up. i recommend prayer firstly then consulting with family. but with all honesty I would leave. he knows I was the person he raped but did not confess to me. I love him truly but the moment bitterness comes in then there is no hope, I might just end up killing the person. but thats me in my human state.

    • Reply DIVINE April 4, 2017 at 7:44 am

      I don’t think the guy knew. If not why would he go and propose trouble to himself. Or was he under a bet ?
      Maybe he changed , then later his clique wanted to use the info and blackmail him.

  • Reply DIVINE April 4, 2017 at 7:41 am

    He who snoops should have the liver to face the positive and negative outcomes.
    That’s why some wife choose to be team no snoop.
    It is your heart that will still break finally. ..so what the heck.
    Snooping has more negative outcome if you aask me.
    I can’t come and give myself Hbp for nothing. Every thing is vanity so says the preacher.

    So my dear young wifey. .if you can forgive him because of the love you have for him now, please do and forge on. After all Jesus forgave the thief on the cross
    But you are no Jesus
    So if you can’t forgive him because of the hurt you felt years ago then take the long walk. You can and kill yourself before your time.

    Both ways you do it will be painful. So dear choose wisely. E-hugs sweetie. It is not easy at all. I understand all your pains and what not.

    • Reply FavouriteShades April 4, 2017 at 10:39 am

      You are so right….Snoopers always find something

      So before you snoop,ask yourself if you are really ready to deal with whatever you find

  • Reply FavouriteShades April 4, 2017 at 7:42 am

    Separation…. Mehn the shock,pain,anger,doubts,fear would definitely mean I would need time off from him,the marriage and everything. Fear and doubt cuz I’ll be like do people really change? Doubt as in…how could I have not seen it,can I even trust my feelings? OMG….I fell in love with a rapist…my God and even married him.

    Reconciliation.. Depending on the strength of my feelings,how much i decide to care about societal expectations,if I was already pregnant or not(sharpshooter things),other factors(love is never enough).my understanding and interpretation of Gods word on divorce.Then forgiveness can now be considered.

    Non forgiveness would only mean permanent separation or divorce

  • Reply datoks April 4, 2017 at 8:55 am

    I will Ask him about it, as long as he is remorseful I will forgive him, after all I love him so much.there is always room for forgiveness

  • Reply Iyke David April 4, 2017 at 11:26 am

    The mistake the made was seeing another lady while in marriage, but then didn’t they reveal thier past before marriage? I will advise the lady to approach him kindly and listen to his explanation on the issue if she truly love him, they can find a way to forge ahead.

  • Reply Jeffrey Jamez April 4, 2017 at 12:03 pm

    Lol If the rape was that serious to her, she would never forget his face even if he was a teenager….so bleh!…she should just let it be but if she cant deal let her bounce.

    But then again is that the reason why he aint picking no calls no more and always absent minded?

    • Reply jojodia April 4, 2017 at 7:02 pm

      U be winch

    • Reply TM David-West April 4, 2017 at 7:53 pm

      How can you sound so cold about a rape? I’m shocked.

    • Reply Sylvia April 7, 2017 at 1:09 pm

      U mean o

  • Reply Mystiq April 4, 2017 at 12:46 pm

    I always say when to go looking, you would definitely find something.

    Well if it was me and I love him to bla bla bla and bla, I’d be hurt I would think of a million ways to kill him first. But she needs to confront him and hear him out as hard as it can be if d luv is strong enough they could get past it together.

  • Reply chic April 4, 2017 at 4:01 pm

    Hmmm, TM! TM!
    let me make the Mr’s case first. He had always been in love with her and was too much of a chicken to ask her out then, peer pressure and all that, he raped her. He regrets it but it’s the love he has for her and his wayward friends he kept then that made him do it. He has been struggling with himself to find the perfect time to tell him but he didn’t tell her because he doesn’t want her to stop loving him.

    The wife’s case, even though it was a traumatic experience she had enjoyed it even then(u go fear nau, lol). It had left her a mess but somehow she had always wanted to confront the rapist. Now she is filled with disappointment at her husband and a certain closure which she had longed for concerning the rape. She loved her husband and loves him still and yes after the initial pain and shock and moving out of her matrimonial home she is willing to hear him out because she can’t do without him.
    See ™protege o.*wink*

  • Reply jojodia April 4, 2017 at 6:55 pm

    I don’t know how I would react. I swear, I don’t know.

  • Reply Fiii April 4, 2017 at 9:17 pm

    My input on this. Ŀ♡√Ɛ covers all multitude of sin. If she still loves him as much as she did when she didn’t know he was the one who raped her, she’ll forgive him. Walking out of the marriage should not at all be an option. The marriage vows included ‘for better for worse’ right?. She should just find a place in her heart to forgive him. Oh, and @jefferyjames, people grow up. So, her no being able to recognise the guy is because he grew up(the beards, moustache and all). I could barely recognise a secondary school friend of mine when we got in contact.

  • Reply Doyinsola April 5, 2017 at 12:39 am

    This is serious ooo but i’ll probably forgive him after we must have talked about it, cried my eyes out, insult him, take time to be alone… stil do not get the not picking calls in her presence part; he must confess ooo and make promises… may God heal and help us all

  • Reply mady April 5, 2017 at 1:25 am

    2 me.. Some more snooping on the hubbys part stl need to be done…
    She need to knw d circumstances of his past, y he really raped her and hw remorseful and regretful he is of that past.. Not Bcos d gal turns out 2 be her wu he nw luvs dearly.. . If he didn’t knw it was her then, that is.

    Buh den.. If I luv some1 2 d moon n back I dnt tink I can stay dah man at em 4 a lng tym. I wl feel hurt n go into all these monosyllabic_answer mood buh its in the past… Wl consider dat 2

  • Reply Jk April 5, 2017 at 5:19 pm

    Another scenario, you weren’t the one he raped but he did rape a girl when he was a teenager. What would you do?

    Many people will probably forgive in the scenario i just narrated. If you can forgive this, why not the other scenario.

    And whats the gist about not snooping? Really, you rather live in the dark, bury your head in the sand and pretend? Please…… I rather live alone than live a lie.

  • Reply Marviz April 6, 2017 at 11:32 am

    Hmmmm…honestly? If I’am in her shoes, I will keep mute and I will pray to God to take control of my marriage cause I will be Sooo Sooo tempted to suffer him without him knowing what he did. Well, with God we will overcome all troubles and temptations.

    And @Jeffrey Jamez, did you consider the fact that he (the husband) might have masked his face when he raped her?

  • Reply Sylvia April 7, 2017 at 1:07 pm

    I believe the first step to healing is forgiveness.
    If this happened to me….yea it’ll hurt like hell but for the sake of love and sanity forgiveness is the best bet.
    I’ll forgive and forge on stronger with hubby all skeletons shoved out of the closet and burried.

  • Reply Esther November 1, 2017 at 1:31 pm

    Hmm! E nor easy at all
    But if he’s the same man your heart beats for like the best thing ever happened to you and at the same time, you find out he’s actually your worst nightmare, like the person you won’t have to think twice before pulling the trigger….
    This is she in between, love+hate≠lovehate=love
    Forgiveness is key, whether he feels remorseful or not
    Now, if he’s not remorseful, forgive and let him go, but if he’s sorry and changed then hello……enjoy your love
    I once read of a story where a man raped a lady on her wedding Eve bcos of her father’s boost that the daughter is a virgin, the fiance left her, the rapist was sorry and became a pastor who ended up being her husband at the long run, the story long Sha but it’s very inspiring and preaches forgiveness and va lot of good things, u can check it on Gospelbreed.com. I have been blessed by it and with my walk with God, nothing is unforgivable, most especially if there’s genuine repentance.
    Yet not a good experience, only those who have experienced something like this or even worst things can relate well, in all God’s grace is sufficient to us all. We all have different cross to bear whether it happened knowingly or unknowingly ( I mean if by our fault or not our fault). God help us. Amen

    • Reply TM David-West November 1, 2017 at 3:45 pm

      Wow, Esther, thank you so much for this comment. I am surely going to check out that site and read this story. Thanks again

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