There’s no deeper pit than the pit of self-doubt.
Once you let it suck you in, it buries you, and it takes way more strength, and skill, than you ever believed you possessed to dig yourself out.
Self-doubt is best friends with low self-esteem, and they are what we know in Nigeria as, five and six.
They move in a circle of three with lack of self-love, no self-confidence and no self-respect.
Self-doubt, together with its soul sister low self-esteem, is birthed and nurtured in the sinking pool of abuse.
As no one abuse exists alone, there are multiple at work at all times. When they are done, fear fine tunes, solidifies and perfects the crippling nature of self-doubt.
You sense its presence, and doubt its existence. Which, ironically, is the clearest sign that it has you nicely tucked in as its slave.
I’m learning a few ways of breaking lose and free from this path of self-annihilation as I manoeuvre life and living Theo’s way.
My top three ways are:
- Simply saying No
I say no to that voice in my head. Just that – No. I find that it does the job of abruptly stopping the thoughts. Like a quick slam on the brakes. That pause helps me to redirect my thoughts.
- Reaffirm my positive affirmation.
I try to begin my day these days with positive affirmations, but self-doubt can sneak past my guard. When it does, I reaffirm one of my positive affirmations. I may have to reaffirm more than one and do so repeatedly, but it’s a method that usually drowns out the voice of self-doubt.
- I just do it.
It happened just yesterday, and I’m going to share more on this not-so recent plague. I’m nearly done with my research for my Christmas story (coming first week of December) and thought I’d begin writing. The second I thought to begin, the pit hole opened up:
It’s not a good storyline.
You’re not going to get it right…again.
You won’t be able to finish it…again.
It’s not romantic. It’s not relatable. It’s going to be boring AF.
You’re not ready to write again. Wait until next Christmas.
It went on, repeating itself, coming up with new crippling thoughts. I could feel myself yielding, yeah, maybe next year would be better. A new year, new me, new strength, new and better stories.
I opened one of my eBooks (I slide into books when troubled), started to read…and suddenly revolted.
Instead of Elle Kennedy, I picked Nora Roberts’ The Collector, began to read, and… inspiration came.
She’s my magic wand, Nora Roberts. I swear it. Reading her books always, always, makes me want to write.
I left her book and got into my chapter one – and scribbled over 900 words before I took a break to make dinner and see to evening chores.
A triumph, I tell you. Which made me super proud.
So, how do you do it?
Are you plagued by self-doubt like me?
What are your fighting weapons?
Can’t wait to read from you. xoxo.
1 Comment
I was right in this place since last quarter of 2022; a place where I struggled with impostor syndrome, doubts and fears. The worst part was, I just couldn’t create….Gosh!
I am thankful that I am gradually finding my way out again. To answer your question, what are the things that I did find my way again?
1. Self-reflection: I took a frank look at the events that happened that got me to that dark place.
2. Acknowledgement: I accepted my feelings & faced them head on. This also helped me identify my triggers.
3. Self Love: I started gracing & loving up on me.
4. Baby Steps: These days I set more realistic goals & tend to live my day in view of daily goals than the extra large goals that I had been setting which placed immense pressure on me & had led me to burn out.
It is still a work in progress but it is my journey & I am loving it!