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Category Archives: SPICES

Lol – Loony Docs

Passing An Exam:

Three patients in a mental institution prepared for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them another five years.

The doctor took the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asked the first to jump. He did and broke both arms.

The second patient jumped and broke both legs. The third patient looked over the side and refused to jump.

“Congrats! You are a free man. Just tell me, why did you not jump?” Asked the doctor.

To which the patient answered. “Well doc, I cannot swim.”

***In my opinion, the head psycho psych should be locked up***

Wrong Side Pain:

PATIENT: “I have a terrible pain in my left side. I think it’s appendicitis.”

DOCTOR: “No, that can’t be. The appendix is on the right side.”

PATIENT: “So that’s why it hurts so much! My appendix is on the wrong side!”

***A hypochondriac patient, no doubt.***

Bad Temper:

PATIENT: “Doctor, you must help me. I keep losing my temper with people.”

DOCTOR: “Tell me about your problem.”

PATIENT: “I just did, you stupid bastard!”

***Well, nothing like an upfront evidence, right?***!:

Then Do It!:

PATIENT: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed.

DOCTOR: You should cut down on drinks.

PATIENT: I don’t touch a drop.

DOCTOR: You should cut down on smoking.

PATIENT: I don’t smoke.

DOCTOR: You should stop taking drugs.

PATIENT: I don’t do drugs.

DOCTOR: You should cut down on womanizing.

PATIENT: Haven’t touched a woman in my life.

DOCTOR: In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, do some drugs, and find a couple of girlfriends.

***Is that doctor from Naija?***

***

*Culled*

Big News – Yay!

So, I said that happy things were happening on this blog yesterday on my Short Announcement post. Well, all you curious cats have been “hassling” me to share the happy news… *tatafo folks, lol*. Anyhoo, I went on candid with the person with the happy news and got her express permission to share the big happy news. So… wait for it…

NYKKY JUST HAD A BABY!!!

And it is a BIG, HUGE news because, and if many would recall on my pre-birthday post where I “lamented” my not being “Mama” yet, she left a comment where she said she got preggo for her first baby at 44. And now, at almost 50, she just put to bed her second baby — a beautiful, gorgeous, sent-from-heaven baby girl.

I am super, super excited. This is big news for every woman and for all TTC women like me. And as Nykky is a bonafide member of this happy family, we are all going to celebrate her. So, I’m inviting ya’ll to come in here and leave congratulatory wishes for her and her new baby… the newest member of the LS e-fam.

Please, let’s not disappoint as I will be sending a link to this post to her, so she could read your wonderful comments.

Congratulations darling Nykky and plenty kisses to the sweet little girl. No worry, I’m prepping to born ya gorgeous hubby… hehehe.

 A sweet November baby… aw.

More happy miracles loading on the LS e-fam.

Thank you, Jesus… You alone did this *muah*

Oh dear peeps, even more great news. Grace, another member of our e-fam, just sent me a message that she too just put to bed… twins.

Congratulations, Grace. All thanks to God for your little boys.

These news speak greatly to my heart and feels me with a sense of promise that God’s greatest plans are yet to unfold. This is just icing on the cake.

Darling folks, let’s celebrate with Nykky and Grace.

Short Announcement

Dear LS readers & Family,

Which kain wahala be dis nau?

Imagine sai I wan put brief announcement sai na evening MW post go be because no light, na im PHED just bring light now-now. Person no fit talk im mind make Naija wahala no interfere.

I go still put the announcement jor.

Mercenary Wife loading soon… hehehe.

Abeg make I go write jor. The story scatter everywhere for pieces of paper… make I no find even one of them.

Oya, make una dey enjoy una day.

Meanwhile, happy things are happening on this blog. The Lord is good… all the time *wink*.

Trailer – Mercenary Wife

This November, a high society wedding takes place. A wedding ceremony that leaves many hearts wistful and envious.

The groom is that dream man that the 21st century Nigeria-in-economic-recession woman secretly, and for some, not so secretly, desires. A financially sturdy man with that fine combination of being a devout Christian.

The bride is the forever desire of every male with a nodding  nether member—gorgeous, sexy, with a body and heart that is now all his.

The dream wedding. The highly sought-after bride and groom. A perfect world.

But for Simon Tim-Jaja, his world is tottering into an overwhelming disaster when on the evening of his wedding day, he overhears his new bride confess that she married him only for his money. A man in love with all his heart and all that he is and to discover that he is nothing but a means to an end to the woman he loves.

For Richelle Alabrah her dream of living the good life is about to begin as she officially becomes Mrs Simon Tim-Jaja. She is a woman with her eyes solely on the prize. she’s been trained to calculate and to calculate rightly. She is body, bone and blood—the mercenary wife.

MERCENARY WIFE coming this November right on the 17th day of this sweltering month.

What does a heartbroken groom do with his MERCENARY WIFE?

Find out by tuning in on Life and Spices.com every Thursday & Sunday right before noon—unless TM says differently.

Romance with smouldering spice—Nothing hotter.

MERCENARY WIFE can love trounce greed?

***

Now I ask our gentlemen readers: Iyke, Jeff, Victor, Marnie (it is my greatest hope that you are male), Datoks (are you a dude?) Justice… et al, what would you do if you find out that the woman you loved, and married, only married you for your money?

And to all the sisters in da house, will you marry a man just for “the blinks”… so to speak?

Let’s share our thoughts as we await our opening day of the MERCENARY WIFE… tell someone another hot Romance is starting on Life and Spices.com this Thursday.

***

P.S.

This Romance story will be partly dedicated to November celebrants (until the month ends) and to December celebrant until the story comes to an end. It is, by God’s grace, going to be a 10-chapter novella. Our last story for 2016… unless I can do a Christmas short story like last year.

I have also, due to my own schedule, switched posting days to Thursdays and Sundays. And I will strive to post before noon… all things being equal. First week of 2017, I will publish the 2017 LS Blog Schedule.

Y’all have a good day now *wink*

Disappointed!

I am completely disappointed. And I think my disappointment begins with myself.

I am of the belief that Literature, in all its format — Fiction and Non-Fiction — is ART. And Art should be critiqued not “voted”.  Literature as an Art should be critiqued by literary experts and not exposed to the “general voting public” and the Artists (Writers) subjected to the indignity of having to beg for votes.

Ridiculous!

Etisalat just turned Art into a thing of ridicule. I say this without the merest apology.

I have once said it, and on a public site, that I would not enter a writing competition because it is ridiculous that as a Writer, I should write a story (a work of art) and then insult that art by “begging” for votes to have it win a prize. I said it publicly because that was, and still remains, my unapologetic belief.

But for the crave for a platform to take my penname “TM David-West” and my works to the next level, so to speak, and the desire to win a “lump sum”, I shovelled down that belief, and my principle, and I entered my story for the Etisalat Flash Fiction Prize. And in the last two days, I have been proven correct in my belief, Literature is Art and Art can only be critiqued. And it is erroneous to consider it, and to treat it, as anything but Art.

For heavens’s sake! Are we to believe that it is the “best stories” that are being voted for??? Hell no!!!

It is the stories written by Writers with more “voting crowd”… Simple!

And how, I ask, does that show the reverence that should be accorded to Literature, eh? How does it showcase the “better” writer to the world? How does it promote true art?

This is why I am disappointed in me. I allowed “misguided” focuses to nudge me out of my right of belief and to lower my standards. That is wrong. Very wrong.

I am also disappointed in Etisalat. It is clear to me that Etisalat, and all involved in setting up “Prize for Literature by general public, non-literary expert votes”, do not recognise the true place of Literature, and its worth, as Art. If Etisalat know that they cannot bring on board Fiction Literature Experts to judge more than 50 stories, then entries should not exceed more than 50 stories… QED!

To have over 3,000 Writers enter their stories and then be incapable of “rightly” shortlisting stories, communicating with Writers, set up a working website for votes (which should not be necessary), then they do not comprehend what Literature is. And possible, they do no respect Fiction as an Art.

I am disappointed and I am insulted. Insulted that I had to suffer the indignity of begging people for votes all through yesterday. It is an insult to me as a Writer and one who takes absolute pride in her Fiction works. No Writer should be subjected to “begging for votes” “begging for purchases” “begging for anything whatsoever from readers. No one, for that matter, should be subjected to indignity of begging. No one!

And so, I am done begging. The story is there… it is not even clear to me if it fell into the “Approved For Votes” list. But it is there. You want to vote… Vote. You don’t want to vote… then don’t.

I am a Writer, a Genre Fiction Writer, and a damn good one too. I will not dishonour myself and my penname, and my works, any longer. If there is a Literature Prize to be won by Fiction Writers and that Prize is SOLELY judged by Literature Experts, I would again enter my story for such a Prize. But if it is a Prize based on votes, or an initial voting process such as the Etisalat Prize, I decline now, and forever, to participate in such ridiculousness.

Fiction Literature is Art. Art should be respected. Art should be rightly “critiqued”. Art is not a game of “uninformed votes”.

To EtisalatReads, I say you need to work on this. You want to promote Fiction Writing and Fiction Reading, then do it right.

To everyone, thus far, who have voted, I thank you for your faith in me. And my thanks goes to all who’s been striving to cast their votes. God bless you all.

Now, after I post the final episode of Beyond The Grave — Blood of the Innocent tomorrow, I will take a short break to gather my thoughts. I am sort of exhausted. Begging, in any form, exhausts me. And failure takes the strength out of me.

Thank you, my dear e-fam. I appreciate you all. And I ask, if I dare, whatever platform you have, spread the news that Literature is Art and should be critiqued and not turned in a game of caricature.

Cheers, everyone.

VOTE: naked, without her honour

The ETISALAT Flash Fiction Prize is on and voting is now open to the general public from 7 November 2016 – 30 November 2016.

Yours truly entered for the competition (can’t believe it, *wink*).

Here to invite you to vote for my flash fiction story: NAKED, WITHOUT HER HONOUR: Link HERE

OR: Copy this link; Place on your Browser and Go::: https://prize.etisalat.com.ng/flash-fiction/voteall.php?id=1000

Please READ… it is important you read, so you know what my story is about and then you are able to tell others about it. So READ and then, CLICK on the Facebook “THUMB” icon right below my name: THEODORA DAVID-WEST: and right below my nationality: NIGERIA.

Confirm your vote (which is a FACEBOOK LIKE) by waiting to make sure there is an established increase in number of LIKES and then… SPREAD THE NEWS.

Like I usually say, DON’T ENJOY TM’S STORIES ALONE *wink* *wink*… SHARE WITH OTHERS. There are SHARE BUTTONS right below my entry, use them generously.

Life and Spices e-family, let us do this as a family. Now is the time to put your vote where your mouth is.

May God bless us all.

NOTE:

Do not Use OPERA MINI. I think it has some problems via Opera Mini. Also be sure to confirm your vote by waiting to make sure that the number of LIKES (that is the number beside the “thumb up”) increases.

Thanks and counting on you guys.

etisalat-vote

IT IS TIME

Her heart thudded.

It was time. She did not know why she entered into the room. She had never thought that she would do so. Not when it was a room with one door and only a small window. But something had moved her feet; and she had strolled in… now, her heart thudded.

The crowd was more than she had expected. There was a cluster of people—and everyone wanted to walk through that one door. The alternative was the window, but only one can slip through it. Yet who wanted to slip out of a narrow window where there was a door?

Her heart beat like a drum. It was time. She cast a glance behind her. She needed them. Support. Courage. The wide show of hands.

It was time. It is time.

***

VOTE: NAKED, WITHOUT HER HONOUR by THEODORA DAVID-WEST

for the Etisalat Flash Fiction Prize.

Click: HERE to vote.

HOW TO VOTE?

Follow link: NAKED, WITHOUT HER HONOUR LINK and when page is fully loaded, simply click on the FaceBook “thumb” Like Button and confirm your vote by noting there’s been an increase in already number of likes.

Thanks… VOTE!

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