There are just some mind-sets we need to yank out of our heads and squash under foot as they are doing us no good, except to slow down our growth.
There’s nothing worse than generalisation. It’s just a killer! Instead of getting to know the person, we lump the person together with a pile of people we don’t really know and stamp on him, or her, a behavioural trait likely not a part of their personality.
I don’t know which is the worst — ‘all men are scum’ or ‘women will stick to any kind of man so long as he’s rich.’
No, we need to do a mind overhaul. We can’t be in the twenty-first century, and nearly twenty years into it, and still think like we are in the stone-age. That’s just not right.
There are a whole lot of generalisations, way too many of them, but I’m listing here the worst of the booby traps we most often fall into… in my opinion. Lol.
Let’s begin with hauling the ladies together and moulding them with same clay.
- Women like bad boys.
I have a definite problem with this one and especially as M (that would be hubby) believes something to this effect—‘you ladies prefer ‘bad boys’ to good and calm guys.
‘Bad boys’ is in quote because in the first place, a whole lot of us misunderstand the term ‘bad boy’ when applied to a man by the ladies. At least, by ladies who understand it.
‘Bad boy’ is not being criminal or a law breaker or an abuser or a man with disturbingly bad character traits. No. ‘Bad boy’ can be equated to ‘naughty boy’. A man who’s mischievous, humorous, a little wild as in bold enough to ‘break’ certain norms and likely a ladies man.
That is what ‘bad boy’ represents and honestly, not all women like ‘bad boys’, no.
There are ladies, and a good number of them, who prefer quiet, calm and even nerdy men.
So, let’s squash this mind-set, please.
- Every woman wants marriage and kids.
I just rolled my eyes. Really, this is the wrongest (and there’s no such word) generalisation. Not every woman wants a man who will put a ring on her fourth finger. And not every woman wants to be mama. And heck to the no, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with those who don’t want it. It’s all a matter of choice. There are women who don’t want marriage and same applies to men.
So, scrap this thought of your head and ask a woman what she really wants. Don’t assume.
- Women don’t like sex as much as men do.
Hello? Yes, they do. The pleasure of sex is not meant for the men folk alone, women want to enjoy it and they do.
Just like you have men with high libido, so you do with women and vice versa.
Don’t pull the shocked face when you meet a sexually active woman and stamp the insulting tag ‘slut’ on her just because she enjoys sex, and good sex too. That is so stone-age and cave-man attitude.
- Every woman enjoys house chores and is a great home maker.
Ah… not true, and I should know seeing as I am one of those who don’t fall into this generalised category. Not every woman is built to be a home maker and a lover of house chores. There are women who just can’t stand working in the kitchen but would break their backs working in a farm or a building site—or writing story after story.
There are women who can’t cook but can fix your car in the blink of an eye. Just as there are men who are so adept in the kitchen, you can easily call them Master Chef and mean it too.
So, break free from this mind-set as not all women are meant to keep house. Simple.
- And finally, the big one — women love money.
Hey, narrow-mind, everyone loves money!
The term ‘mercenary’ doesn’t have a gender attached to it (at least, not when you’re not speaking French). A man can be mercenary, just as a woman. Whatever the gender, a gold digger would date you and marry you for your money.
Everyone loves money and women have been making their own money since the days Eve snagged the apple from the tree… I think. Lol.
So, those are a few of the lumping all women together that gets my teeth gnashing. Now, let’s take a look-see at the worst and completely wrong things women say about men.
- All men are scum.
Really? Does that include your father, brother and son?
Seriously, some men are scum but I hardly think the number of ‘scums’ match the number of ‘non-scums’. No, not by a long shot.
One man, maybe even two or three, broke your heart doesn’t mean every man will do the same. If you keep dating heart breakers and ‘scums’, sister, you probably need to change your taste in men.
All men are not scum… get that new mind-set.
- All men cheat.
This one goes hand in hand with the all men are scum mind-set and it is just as wrong.
Not all men cheat. Trust me, and change that mind-set, not all men cheat.
Not even half the population of men folk worldwide cheat. Believe that and set your mind free and your heart ready to find a good, non-cheating man.
- All men think about is sex.
I don’t think so. Or we will have a world over run with rapists and sexual abusers.
Men think about a whole lot of things and in many cases, sex is the very least of them.
- A man shouldn’t cry.
And why not, I’d like to know. He’s human, is he not?
Even men say this to themselves: ‘don’t cry like a woman.’ ‘Be a man.’
I know women are given to easily show their emotions, whatever they are, but that is because the world has permitted and taught them to. By forever restricting men from showing any form of heart break or grief, we’ve created a world full of men who tend to lash out or withdraw into the shells. That is wrong.
My take is, if a man wants to cry to shed the burden in his heart, let him cry and let it go.
- A man is less than a man is he helps his woman in the house.
This is more of an African mind-set—a man should not be found in the kitchen or with a broom in his hand.
See here, a man handling a broom or making breakfast for his family doesn’t render him impotent. The ‘little man’ can still work all right whether he mops the bathroom or not, so let’s all take several chill pills.
Then, there are just a couple that gets me rolling my eyes:
- Men cheat more than women.
- A man must make the first move
- A man must say I love you first
- A man can’t say, with his mouth, I’m sorry
- A lady can’t propose to a man
All of the above are just silly excuses to stop us from doing something we probably should do. We had a couple of proposals gone wrong at the start of this year but I don’t think that a woman shouldn’t ask a man to marry her if she wants to. Ask him and if he says no… well, suck it up and move on. That’s just life.
And if you like a guy, lady, work up the courage and tell him or you might entirely lose out.
And gentlemen, a real man can verbally say he’s sorry if he’s wrong and truly sorry. It doesn’t malfunction ‘junior’ and actually shows you’ve got ‘balls.’
And viola, my list of generalisations we should get rid of and set our minds free from out-dated thinking. What’s yours? Any particular mind-set that drives you crazy and you wonder why do we still think like this?
Y’all have a great week now.