The first kiss can be as terrifying as the last.

Someone said that and I wonder why they would. But… back to Naomi and me.

“What did you say?” Naomi is staring at me like I just grew multiple horns on my head.

“Will you kiss me if I never find the right girl to kiss me?” I repeat.

Cor blimey! But you are serious!” Naomi seems torn between shock and amusement. “I am… I don’t know what I am. Wow… like why would you ask me that?”

“Because I like you.” It is the reason so I simply state it.

“Oh. Well. Hmm.” She looks bemused, somehow. “I like you too. I really do. But I think… well, it is expected to kiss someone you’re attracted to. I would confess that I have kissed guys I just feel only like for but,” she lifts her shoulder, “this is your first kiss; it should be special. It should be with someone you have feelings for. Like attraction. Desire maybe.”

I say nothing and the silence drags a minute.

“You’re not attracted to me, are you?”

Her near horrified tone disconcerts me. “Ah, no… maybe. I don’t know.” I heave off the bed; to put some distance between us. I am uncomfortable now. “I like you. That is what I feel I guess, like. I like the look of you. I like the way you call me “Em”. I like your face and your mouth… and your bum.”

Naomi laughs at this.

The laugh relaxes me and I look at her. “I don’t know if I’m attracted to you. I might be. It might be the reason why I’m thinking now of you kissing me.”

“Isn’t that the oddest wish? You want me to kiss you, not you kiss me.” Naomi grins. “You’re a funny dude, Em, and I like that very much about you. And I’d like to kiss you…”

“You would?”

She laughs again. “I would. Who wouldn’t want to kiss virgin lips? And pretty manly supple ones too.” Naomi rises, walks to my side and takes my hand. “Give yourself time, Em. You’ve waited this long; wait some more for that special someone.”

“Maybe you’re the special someone?” I want her to be… at this moment.

“I wish I am.” She touches my face, strokes my cheek gently. “Wait for the spark, Em.”

“The spark?” What spark? This confuses me.

“You know, that little buzz of excitement you feel when you’re within arms-length distance of that someone. Or the tingle and whispery feelings you get when they are miles away and you can’t stop thinking about them.” Naomi grins and steps away. “So you never ever felt a teeny weeny ding with anyone?”

I think briefly, the shake my head. “No, can’t say I have.” I look at her. “I feel a tiny tug when I’m with you but it’s not a ding. Not in any sparky way at least.”

Somehow this makes me sad. I think it is because I really want to kiss her, and she won’t kiss me without the ding.

“C’mon Em, put that puppy-face away.” Naomi chides. “You will get kissed soon. And if you like, I’ll make a promise that if you are not kissed by my birthday in June, I’ll give you a celebrant’s birthday kiss as a present.”

That perks me up and smiling, I stroll back to sit beside her. “I claim the promise whether or not I’ve yet been kissed. It’d be nice to be kissed by a cougar.”

“Oh my God, aren’t you just hilarious?” Naomi throws her head back in laughter and I join her.



The week goes by so fast. Gemma and I chatted a whole lot. I like her… not love, like her. She has a good sense of humour; almost as good as Naomi’s. She laughs a lot too, like Naomi.

I keep comparing them. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I like both of them. But it is only Naomi I want to kiss. Well, if Gemma is willing to kiss me, I am sure I won’t say no.

I sigh now at the thought as I gaze out my bedroom window. It is a cool night. Good for a stroll. But of course mum will shoot up her brows if I dare suggest I want to take a walk at 8:50pm.

I roll my eyes and let out a sigh. I’ll be off soon for NYSC. Another bout of freedom and then job-hunt and finally escape mum’s tight-knitted net. Another sigh whistles through my mouth, this time one of anticipated pleasure.

I start to step back from the window, I should catch some reading before I wink out. As I turn though, I see the cosily-hugging couple. I inch closer and tuck the curtain a little wider apart. It is Bode. Neighbourhood mischief-maker; man-hoe and ugly as sin. I always wonder what the girls see in him. They flocked around him like bees to honey and sometimes they even came in pairs.

And he isn’t even a big boy. More a bum living off his parents and hoeing away his time.

He and the girl—the voluptuous type that are packed like an overstuffed turkey. They always give me the jitters, girls with too much going on upfront and a whole lot of load outback. I mean, like what happened to less is beautiful? Dang!

Not criticising, folks. God made us all… I know the drill, so chill.

Anyway, Bode and Packed-chick have found a spot against a tree and are necking there.

Necking would be an underrated polite word.

His hands are everywhere; and particularly on the two… well, I’m sure you get it. He yanks up her skirt… if you can call the flimsy thing one… and his hand disappears under. She presses against me, flattening the ginormous apples into his chest. My yonder-man rears up to answer the inspiration call of my vision. I feel the tightness of a nature-call rise inside my PJs.

Hey… of course I get the charge. I’m a virgin not a damn monk. Jeez!

But since I am not interested in witnessing a live porn, I pick my hairbrush and ram the hard-wood back against the window jamb. Packed-chick jump back from him like a startled rabbit, her eyes darting about in a furtive look-around. I swallow my laugh and watch with amusement as they scuttle away.

Most likely to find a more private corner to continue their love… well, sex moment.

“Emma! What is that noise?”

I roll my eyes and step away from the window. “Nothing ma. Something dropped from my hand that’s all.”

Freedom… coming soon.


Journal entry—Naomi will kiss me on her birthday. Looking forward to it. Will I get kissed before then though? March gone… still a kiss-virgin. Hmm.



Kiss… with your head tilted. Avoid “head-long” collisions. No one likes a head-butt.

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